What's Up With That?!

As part of our commitment to the American way and all that is fellowly, the Fellowship of Fellows is tackling one of our nation's greatest challenges: Perplexities. Kicking off our philanthropic initiative to combat this epidemic pandemic, three of the most oppressive perplexities are up for debunking. We, as fellows, have one thing to say to you, Confusion: Ready or not, here we come! 

1. Magnets - Incredibly stubborn, magnets have solidified a reputation for themselves as increasingly difficult to reason with. Insistent on polarizing our nation, magnets have wreaked havoc. An in-depth analysis by the Fellowship of Fellows reveals their weakness: Opposites attract. Mission accomplished.

2. Delaware - The ever-elusive state, Dover certainly does not ring a bell. A wallflower, cleverly hidden in the crowded chaos that is New England, the Fellowship is the first to report suspicion of an attempted coupe by "The Small Wonder." It claims to be the first state - pffffffff. Yah right. The Blue Hen is it's state bird. 

3. 1-10 ranking schemes - This primitive scheme is a silent killer of hope. A vast constituency reports goose bumps at the thought of a 7, proud of their comfortable position well above the average, yet humbly distant from perfection. The left-brained, left-handed and left out consider 70% unbearably close to failure. This incongruence is ruining lives, tearing apart families, and responsible for America's moral decline. 

::They call it Mellow Fellow::