The Fellevels

1: Fellow
2: Fellows
3: Fellowhood
4: Fellowship:

A Concession

Then it appears that I am, in fact, the goat.

The Fellowliest of Balls

On the fellowliest of eves, a certain fellow remains noticeably absent from the expected fulfillment of the American way. As his counterparts drink cheap beer, missing fellow seems to be more concerned with goats. Yes, it appears that goats are on the rise for some, while cheap beer, Cooks and cheap icecream remain the apple of the other fellows collective eye. Could this be a rift in the fellowship? a mere rough patch in fellowhood? or a sheer and utter distraction from his aforementioned priorities? We beg the latter.

This is why you're not here?!?! Honestly?!?!

A Curiously Creepy Fellow

During a routine examination of the blog, it has become apparent that Fellow Bechelli has a considerably greater number of profile hits than the other three fellows, which seems to suggest that either his creepiness is drastically higher than the other fellows or that he clicks his own profile obsessively. Regardless of the actual primary cause, creepiness within the Fellowship is on the rise.

FoF to launch News REAL

Today's Headlines:

O'Reilly threatens to shoot down young, newly independent lobbyist romantically linked to struggling presidential candidate.

...or something to that effect.

Time: An Exposé

In light of this evening’s lack thereof, the Fellowship would like to take a moment to illuminate one of the most pressing and vexing issues of our day: time. Armed with little more than transparency, fellowship and sugar-free caramel coffee Werthers, my implormentation began with a dissent into the depths of a hellish abyss. There, in that tunnel of timelessness, awaiting my fate and the blue line in a urine potpourri, I was struck by a moment of unparalleled clarity cleverly disguised as an allusion to an illusion to the Einstein’s ethereal remains. A glimpse into the fourth dimension. Despite vehement disbelief, ridicule, and persecution (by a non-believer who shall not be named but whose name rhymes with Schlomas) I stand by my revelation – some minutes are way longer than others. Archives recently released to the public confirm my inkling. Not only is time relative, and subjective, but Einstein even said so - a lot (relatively). Stumbling upon the very theory that reveals the potentials for time travel, while time seems to have stopped, waiting for the metro to transport me faster than time permits, beneath the city that really loves timeliness – Coincidence? I think not.

A New World Economy

A recent item in the New York Times brings to light an important issue the Fellowship feels the time is right to address. The woman featured, Nancy Nipples, has clearly found her true calling as a dairy saleswoman.

As this country dips into a recession, it has become clear to the Fellowship that the market economy has simply failed. Yes, listen closely, Adam Smith was wrong.

But we fear that so is everyone else. And so we believe that Ms. Nipples is paving the way to the future. A balanced economy is one in which every person fulfills the task meant for them by their name.

No longer will Ms. Smith waste her time educating Kindergarten classes at Oak Park Elementary school in Rhode Island. Nay, Ms. Smith will become a blacksmith who will build tools for Mr. Carpenter to convert that school into an oak park, which will be easily serviced by the dozens of new roads covering the island.

The taxi driver who dropped the Fellowship home last night (after a top-secret classified strategy session) named Mr. Walker will certainly be looking for a more appropriate job.

And certainly no one can doubt that legend Tiger Woods wouldn’t be more suited to a career tracking the great felines through the Siberian forests.

The sooner the world embraces our natural economic system, the better off we will be.

SURNAMES OF THE WORLD, UNITE!